BLEACHED:strawberry shortcake
by vanillasummer
Summary: Strawberry is angry, gingersnap is perverted, apple dumpling tries to poison everyone and custard is even more sarcastic than usual... Strawberry short cake just got BLEACHED! t for Shunsui and Urahara being in the same room together... ;p
1. Chapter 1

I do not own bleach. If I did Ichigo would kill me for torturing him J

This is all in Ichigo's POV, if you have any suggestions please tell me (by reviewing...wink...)

**Let the torture begin.**

* * *

Ichigo woke up in an unusual amount of pain. He blinked slowly sitting up, to see he was in massive pink room, his hair was longer and there were cat scratches all over his arm.

What the hell?

A very pissed off cat sat on his bed with a scowl on her face, (at least he assumed it was a girl), on the floor below the bed there sat an adorable blue dog who was panting while smiling happily at him- these animals reminded him of his sisters Yuzu and Karin.

The cat yawned loudly before scratching him- Ichigo blinked in surprise, what was her problem?

"About time you woke up baka-nii," the cat growled in the same tone as Karin would when she was angry;wait what?! "Now can you explain what you did to get me and Yuzu turned into these-these things!" she said glaring down at her pink fur with disgust, Yuzu lied on the floor panting happily.

"Karin- is- is that you?" Ichigo stuttered in shock, the cat no Karin- rolled her eyes,

"What do you think?" she replied sarcastically

"BUT YOU'RE A CAT!" Ichigo yelled,

"And you're a girl, strawberry." Karin answered, obviously bored. The current situation dawned on Ichigo, who only then realised what was going on,

"Oh crap." He muttered angrily before jumping out of his bed, "This can't be happening to me." He muttered before finally deciding to kill whoever did this to him "Karin, Yuzu- let's find out what's happening here and put an end to it!" Yuzu nodded and started waggling her tail, Karin rolled her eyes,

"Whatever, but you might want to change out of that nightdress before you go anywhere otherwise no one's EVER going to take you seriously." She said sniggering; Ichigo frowned and looked down at the pink dress with hearts and strawberries all over it he shuddered and rushed off to find something else to wear.

Today was going to be a long day.

Ichigo rushed out of his room, wearing blue jeans and a stripy shirt. He only just resisted the urge to drown himself in the bath.

Ichigo tried to decide which way to go- suddenly the sound of clanging reached his ears- his curiosity got the better of him and he decided to try to find the source of it. Ichigo went down the corridor and listened eagerly as the sound got louder. He finally reached a closed door which the sound was coming out of and opened it slowly.

A little girl who looked about three stood on a chair and threw things into a bubbling, black cauldron; she threw in a live squid, flour, sugar- what looked suspiciously like a hairy caterpillar, some lemonade, bleach (a/n I couldn't resist!) and finally she pulled out a wax doll from the apron in front of her red dress and cackled maniacally. The doll was made of pure white wax and had short black hair, and drawn on blue eyes.

It looked a lot like Rukia.

"Finally you will perish Rukia! And Ichigo shall be mine!" the girl exclaimed joyously before moving to put the doll in the pot. Ichigo, who had been listening on the other side of the door, tumbled through in surprise.

The doll fell out of the girls hand and onto to the floor as she turned round in surprise.

"Oh!" her eyes widened "who are you?!" she asked angrily, the pot glowed red and exploded, red tendrils reached out from the pot and grabbed Ichigo, holding him over the pot "now answer me before I kill you!"

"I'm Ichigo Kurosaki!" Ichigo screamed angrily "NOW PUT ME DOWN YOU EVIL WITCH!" the girl looked shocked for a second, she then put Ichigo down, gently.

"Um, hi Kurosaki-kun, "she said smiling nervously, Ichigo scowled,

"Who the hell are you!" he asked her angrily, the girl was about to answer when the doorbell rang, she squealed excitedly rushed out of the room, down the corridor, to a door that opened to the outside of the house, Ichigo followed her apprehensively, the cat Karin followed behind him.

Standing outside were a thoroughly disturbed looking girl with very light blonde- almost white hair, and another girl, who just looked grossed out, they were both carrying baskets with something nice smelling in them.

"Kurosaki-san," said the blonde girl nervously, "you probably don't recognise me, but I'm Jyoshiro Ukitake."

"And I'm Urahara!" the other girl exclaimed excitedly "shame I'm a little girl," she said before grinning creepily "but at least I'll have my own boobs soon ."

"..."

"He's been like that all day." Jyoshiro explained

"Hey how did you guys know I'm me?" asked Ichigo- this was Urahara, alright, and that jushiro Ukitake was this girl was perfectly plausible considering all that had happened that day.

In response the question, Ukitake pointed at Ichigo's house, Ichigo turned back to see that it was shaped as a giant strawberry.

"Why am I not surprised." Ichigo said before sighing, he turned to the girl and asked her,

"Now who the hell are you?"

"Orihime," she said smiling serenely "I invited Ukitake-san and Urahara-san and Yoruichi-san and all the other strawberry Landers for a party," she said pointing to a table in the garden "OH! My food's ready!" she said before running back into the house.

"I don't believe her- she was doing some sort of ritual- Orihime wouldn't do something like that!" Ichigo exclaimed

"She might be if the smell of that food says anything..." said Urahara, with a pained expression; they all nodded nervously before steeping outside of the house swiftly and rushing towards the table. A girl wearing loads of orange clothes approached the house carrying a basket. When she entered she walked towards them with a bewildered expression on her face.

"is this where the party is being held?" she asked

"Apparently," said Ichigo scowling, the girl recognised that scowl,

"ICHIGO!" she exclaimed, she turned to face Ukitake and Urahara, "who are you?"

" the perverted one in pink is Urahara," said Ichigo, at this Urahara raised his hat, to show his blue-black hair "and the blonde one is Ukitake- who are you?"

" Yoruichi." she answered simply

"Yoruichi-chan!" Urahara exclaimed, hugging her and blubbering noisily " you look just like you did when you were little!" Yoruichi then punched him in the face.

"stupid pervert..." she muttered under her breath and sighed heavily, it was going to be a **really long** day.

* * *

**so, opinions? critique? I'd like to know what you think about this and whether this is actually worth continuing.**

**i'll continue it anyway.**

**who do you want to play certain characters, I have a few ideas, but I'd like to hear some opinions :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"So why do you think we're here?" Yoruichi asked Ichigo as she sat on the bench, Urahara and Ukitake both turned to Ichigo with expectant expressions,

"Why should I know?!" Ichigo exclaimed loudly before punching Urahara who flew across the picnic table and landed on the ground, Urahara rose unsteadily, swaying slightly before grinning slightly and saying that Ichigo hit like a girl. Yoruichi is the one that hit him this time. Karin sniggered at the violence and Yuzu pouted at Ichigo, who looked at her guiltily before helping Yoruichi to beat up Urahara.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of strawberry land...

Sosuke Aizen sipped his tea pondering this...unnerving...circumstance.

it's not everyday you wake up as a prepubescent girl.

This was a bit of a hamper to his plans of universal domination, but it could be overcome.

He was sat on a blue chair in a blue room, eating some kind of human food that was sweet and tangy, which dear reader, you would refer to as a blueberry muffin.

I digress.

it was a good thing none of his enemies or espada saw him like this, otherwise, his reputation as cold, murderous and terrifying would be seriously undermined; my, even sweet little Momo-chan would be able to beat him now. He needed answers.

A quiet yell hit his ears, and the noise became louder. He recognised the voices of several children, all heading in his direction. They were all girls, judging by the screeches and high voices. He sipped his tea, already calculating how long it would take for them to reach his house and the best face to take.

Why not take advantage of the situation?

All of a sudden a loud bang echoed from his door. it opened to reveal a little girl standing there with her hands in angry, red fists. Even though his spiritual prowess was nearly gone, he could tell this child was a very powerful spiritual entity.

He was in love.

Her red apple printed coat, and curly red hair were charming. she had the same aura of fake innocence as Inoue and seemed just as insane.

He smiled innocently,

"Wh-who are you?" he asked in his best fake innocent voice, the girl looked up at him,

"I am apple dumpling, but you can call me Orihime." she said twirling her hair delicately, " Can we borrow your stage for a play?"

In his mind he grinned happily- this was almost too easy.

"Of course," he said, noticing the people behind her for the first time, "Welcome to my humble abode?" he said, bowing in a gentlemanly manner, before he realised he was acting weird, and everyone was staring, "Err, I mean HI!"

They greeted him back. It didn't take Sosuke Aizen, genius of the seretei academy, long to realise who stood before him. His worst enemy, the soldiers of the soul society.

He would definitely be taking advantage of this situation.

**Omake**

OK so I followed Yoruichi-sama and these weird kids, who were obviously Ichigo the idiot and co. Oh, and captain Ukitake too.

He's cool.

on the way to wherever they were going, I was blown away by a strong blast of wind. i landed near a pond where a depressed looking boy was stroking a frog, who purred contentedly, and snuggled up to him.

interesting...

* * *

(a/n)

_**that was weird.**_

_**sorry for the delay, homework and that.**_

_**so, Aizen is a deranged paedophile, Orihime is evil and there is a NEW MYSTERY CHARACTER!**_

_**guess who?**_


End file.
